I love people, I’m a people person. Being around you all just makes me feel good. I care about people so much that I would pray that one day I could help others. Ask and you shall receive. However I was looking for something a little less crazy…
A little bit before the virus really broke out, I kept feeling this nudge that I needed to get really close to God. Closer than I ever have. I couldn’t figure out why but weird things kept happening that proved God was trying to grab my attention. One day outside our house, my husband found a rock that was painted and had crosses on it. – Things like that. So I started reading my Bible and thats when I decided I wanted to read the whole thing.
When the virus hit, things were ok at first or so I thought. As things got worse, people were getting sad and feeling uneasy about the future. This is how I started feeling too. Except it was more than that. I woke up one morning ( what seemed like out of no where ) and had the most worst and tragic thought in my head. Normally when something like that happens they brush it off, but in my case, I had that bad thought replaying in my head consistently for three days. Not only that, but I felt so disconnected to my own body and the world around me. I was terrified to leave my house and terrified to be home alone. I knew I needed help and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. After doing some asking around to some doctors and family members, they all said I was depressed. YOU GUYS this was by far the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. I have not ever been depressed in my life. In fact I’ve always loved life! But because of this, things started to change. I was reading my Bible everyday and then things started to change in me.
I used to want to be away from family – now I just want to be around them as much as possible.
I used to care a lot about outward appearances – now I just want to be me
IG made me selfish, it really did. And I can see it’s doing it to other people too now that my eyes are open – I decided to switch things up and yes still share about my life but also share about Jesus in hopes all of this could help someone else
I asked Jesus into my heart when I was a little girl. But everyone strays away at least once in their life I’m sure. I strayed away big time. I still prayed at night before bed but it seemed more like a routine instead of really laying everything out at Jesus’s feet. Once all of this happened, I rededicated my life to Christ and this time I wrote down the date so I wouldn’t forget. Now it’s not like I did that and immediately I was healed – doesn’t really work like that. At least not in my case.
No. I was being tested. It was a major test of my faith and trust in Jesus. God loves me so much that He knew I wouldn’t be able to accomplish what He wants to do in my life until something insanely dramatic happened to me. He knows I’m hard headed. He knows I wasn’t listening to anyone. He knows He needed to change me COMPLETELY, even though hurting me would hurt Him too. He knew that this was for the best and EVERYTHING would work out for GOOD by helping others and bringing glory to Him. And it worked of course! I have read my Bible every single day at least once a day, I’m on track to read the whole Bible and dig deeper into it. I have prayed fervently and have a blossoming relationship with Jesus! Instead of focusing on the bad things playing in my head, I replaced them with Gods truth by staying in His word and memorizing versus. Now I am almost completely healed. One day I woke up and those thoughts just didn’t exist anymore. Sure I still think about what happened, I need to. That way I can help others going through depression because their is a way to get better and so that I don’t forget why I need to keep my eyes on Jesus every single day. If I had a chance to go back and change the situation I was in, I wouldn’t. Because now I know Gods love unlike I ever have and now that I have a great relationship with Him, I couldn’t imagine not having that. I couldn’t imagine going back to the way I was.
“You are, way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness my God, that is who You are” – way maker by leeland
There is so much hurt in the world right now and it’s important to keep our eyes on Jesus. Here are some versus that are related to this exact situation and versus that helped me get through this.
“Do not fear for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
-not a verse just some encouragement- This is not for nothing. But this is certainly for something. For something more than I can see and I know THROUGH IT ALL, you walk with me.
“My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:5
“My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees. Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver” 119:71-72
“And so I tell you, keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking and you will find. keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Luke 10:9-10
“You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what He said.” Luke 1:45
“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad – for these trials make you partners with Christ in His suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing His glory when it is revealed to all the world.” 1 Peter 4:12-13
I hope that will bring some comfort to you today and if you need to tall to anyone please contact me or someone else who loves you so they can help you with whatever it is you’re going through.